In those few stolen moments of quietness and serenity we should meditate on why we sometimes do the things we do. Why do we question ourselves as much as we do? Did you know that when you’re in the presence of yourself,  there are answers you can find that so often you try to find from someone else? In my life there have been many life-altering moments that have taken place. I have been hurt so many times that I questioned if I would be able to or even want to get out of bed and continue on this earth. Even as a child I experienced pain in ways no child should.  This made my life difficult because I lived with fear and guilt. I had zero knowledge of how to soothe my emotional pain so I refuged in things like food, men, shopping and any other minute material fillers which is what I call it.

Unavoidably, however, after the minutes of empty pleasure the pain re-appeared. That was the moment of guilt.  That was the moment of uncontrollable tears and sadness that so many of us in today’s empty world feel. Those were the moments when dreams of the person I wish I could be came about. It took me a very long time to see myself from the outside. I knew that I was a good person; I knew I had much to offer; still I couldn’t get that person out.  I couldn’t offer myself to me or anyone else because I was hiding in a world of fear, insecurities and self pity.  I justified my failures and blamed them on any possible thing or persons I could , except  on myself.  There were days when the sun was not seen because I kept myself in a dark room hidden from the world. Oh how I recall those days and that sadness.

I can tell you this friends, I know that if I had not found peace I would still be in that place of confusion and unwillingness. But I got out.  I can’t tell you that it was a miracle moment. I can’t say that it was a life changing experience I suddenly had. It was nothing like that. But I do recall this one significant moment. One day I was sitting on the edge of the bed sobbing endless tears.  My chest pounded as I shivered and wished each breath would be my last. I couldn’t imagine one more day of this ache in my soul. I couldn’t bare the thought of going on for years like this. I saw no light because the problems and challenges in my life were just too many. With the endless pain, I found enough strength to stand up and walk to the bathroom to get some tissue. As I walked out of the bathroom, I quickly turned and glanced in the mirror noticing my swollen face. I then did something I had never done before. I went back to face the mirror. I stood in front of that mirror and asked this. WHY? But this time the question was not that of “Why Me” but rather why do you do this to yourself.  As I faced that mirror, I actually began a mental conversation and suddenly felt empathy for the girl in the mirror. I remembered the many times I had been there with a listening ear for someone else. And I said this; why can’t I do that for me. A strange thing happened, I recalled a time when I was a little girl and was living with my aunt and uncle. I was so lonely and so unhappy that my mother was not with me.  Suddenly seeing myself in the mirror all grown up made me realize that it was up to me to take care of that little girl who somehow still lived inside. It was all up to me. So with that in my mind, I cleaned myself up, took a long shower, went for a walk and when I came back, told myself I would have to begin a tremendously long journey to find peace and happiness.  With time (much time) I realized what an amazing person I must be to have overcome the many awful moments I have lived. I am stronger than I ever imagined, and every day I remind myself of that by helping another person. That is why I write in this journal blog. I know there are many out there who feel lost just as I did. Please don’t give up. You must find a way to see how very important you are to the world. Look deep inside and evoke a moment when you were good to someone. When you were there to hold someone’s hand or listen to them. When someone reached for your arms to hold them, or for your words to comfort them. Look back and remember how much you gave to them and then give that to yourself.

You are an amazing creation. You are the most wonderful creation there is in existence. It is normal for us to dream of what we want out of life. We live our lives creating a picture of our perfect selves. If only I was thinner, prettier, richer, then things would be so different. If only I had a bigger house, if only someone loved me, if only…if only.

Why have you been there for those that have needed you? Why have you put your own sadness to the side to help a person? It is likely that you will say it’s because they have needed you and it makes you feel good to help someone else. Now ask yourself this; are “you” worth your own support, your help and your time? If you think you are not, then those that you help must not be either. You are, after all, giving them you. Why? There must be a reason. It is because deep down inside you know you are a good person, and you have a true gift.  Why not give a little of that to yourself.  Go ahead… YOU are special enough. You are!!

Rembrandt died nearly bankrupt at age 63, Jackson Pollock’s overuse of alcohol along with his depression got the better of him, finally leading him to kill himself by overturning his car while driving drunk.  These are only few of the many that include younger artists like Janis Joplin, Kurt Cobain ad Jim Morrison.  Why then should we as presumed levelheaded people pay attention to the artist? Why when the perception is that they are only depressed individuals fighting for a dream that may or may not come true?  Well… because without them we would be completely and utterly empty.

The creative person is an advocate of meaning. The artist sees and hears the world differently.  They see beauty in what most of us pass by without truly recognizing it. The beauty, the ugliness, the fearful is taken in, then expressed in their music, art, poetry and dance. Yes, many may be sad, many are frustrated, and perhaps that is often reflected in their work. Still we need to recognize that their selfless act of turning their emotions into breathtaking art, remarkable music, and enlightening poetry allows us to be the ones who reward from it; and too often we take their struggle for granted. Today I would like to say thank you to all artists.  Thank you for your gifts.  Thank you for your altruistic way of giving us “you” in every brush stroke, in every stroke of your instrument, in every word, and in your voice. To all those that continue to strive for their dream I say this.. please don’t ever give up because this world needs your beauty.

Today I am here and that’s what truly matters;
who knows if tomorrow my life unexpectedly shatters.

All that I live is what I am truly worth;
so I’ll take all I can while here on this earth.

How sad can it be only thinking of what you can take;
leaving those uncertain, of what to them you gave.

It’s not what you take, this you must believe
that what matters to those you love…
is what on earth you leave.

ALL THAT I LIVE – click to see my video

The wars and killing of our own kind,  the hunger; the despair; the ghastly way we neglet our own planet.  We look and look and look some more, until filled with anger we then say… “Humans are SHIT!”   We voice it stridently  for all to hear and without realizing it, we are also giving into the side of the world we so much criticize. I am known for being an optimist… I live as one every day, yet, I too have beared witness to true pain.  I have held him while his seizures have taken over his body with exposive trembles as he foams from the mouth due to his epilepsy…Rick my brother.  I’ve seen the face of madness and have been horrified by his eyes as he is choking my mother….. Gus, my schizophrenic brother. I have shaved the few strands of hair left on her head…my 17 year old niece Heather while she fought cancer.  The lifeless comatose body left us as I held his hand while I said goodbye… Eddy, my brother… he was 32.  This has been my war, my despair.  I loved him so… he was my first true love and the one to receive the gift of my virginity.  My love and the one I found with another man.

If we look deep enough our own friends, family, and neighbors,  we see what we often miss.  We miss the true selves they are. We want to see the world and people as a whole. We don’t concentrate on the one.  I often think of the words of Mother Teresa… “Jesus said love one another. He didn’t say love the whole world.“  Interesting how when we try to do so much with our voice we never have time to do a little with our hands.  Hubert Humphrey said “The impersonal hand of government can never replace the helping hand of a neighbor.”

Have you ever seen a neighbor taking grocery bags out of their car and struggle with all of them and you just keep walking on your own way?  Have you ever been asked a favor by someone and even though you said “sure,”  you forgot about it? It just wasn’t that important. Have you ever offered to help a friend or family member with their kids so they can take a break from the craziness? When you say to someone… “If you need to talk, just call me..”  and when they do…. you roll your eyes because you just don’t have the time right now.  Have you ever really watched and listened to those next to you?  Right next to you?

I wanted to write this because I am one to think that by very small (and to some) very insignificant ways, we can somehow make a difference.

If only we begin by “TRULY” looking in the mirror.

I have been working since I was 15. That’s over 30 years.  I have often wanted to have my own business, or do something different. I’ve always wanted to make a difference.  I will admit that often times I have envied those having the luxury and/or money to stay home and build their dream. I come back to reality desperately Zig-Zaggin all the traffic and rain. “I finally made it” I think to myself  as I walk though my door dropping all my things on the floor. I take my shoes off and head to my room.  I take a long shower, make a quick healthy dinner and begin to finally relax.  I turn on the television and begin watching a documentary called “Lemonade the Movie:” I notice it’s about people who have been laid off and what they have done after getting the “pink slip”.   The tag line for the movie is “It’s not a pink slip, it’s a blank page”.  Filled with curiosity, I watched it and heard the stories of people who have felt devastated by the fact that they now have no pay check.  I then began to think about the question I asked God in the car… “How much longer?” I didn’t have an answer.  I wondered; does God have the answer? Does destiny?  All I really knew was that today my spouse and I have to work. We must pay the bills, the doctors, the schools, and the IRS.  If we don’t’ work what will happen? Who will be become? What will we become?    I also knew another thing though, I knew that we both had dreams and have often worked hard to make them happen; still we are overwhelmed by life and the responsibilities we must meet and the reality of our daily habitual work life.

I continued watching the movie and after it was over my spouse and I just turned our heads to each other without saying a word. I know it was something that wedged in him as well as me.  It made so much of an impact that I wanted to write about it and to take a moment to tell everyone that has recently been laid off to just DO IT!  If you’ve always had a dream, or wanted to do something, now is the time.  Don’t sit moping wondering where the next check will come from.  Don’t feel sorry for yourself, because as long as you have the will you can have the power.  It’s a blank page.  Take advantage of your time and fill it up!

You can make things happen, but there is one very important thing you must remember…you must want to do it.  You will never make any changes in your life until you decide that “it is the time” you need to put “headwork” into it.  The same way you sit and pout on life’s problems and ponder ideas around your head, you can put effort into finding the solution. But how do you do that?  Stop thinking so much about how, and begin doing. Make a call, send an e-mail to a contact, join a networking group.   Make a move to call ten people from the past, even ex colleagues, don’t be shy to ask for help, for advice, and for leads.  Network..Network..Network!!  

Decide today what it is you want to do.  You can decide to go to a business function or card exchange, make yourself personal cards with your name and contact information.  I once added… “Looking for a Job” on mine.  Walk the mile and drop off your resume in 10 offices. But you must make the decision.  Decide what it is you really want.  Decide, decide, decide.  Maybe you’ve even wondered about going back to school and enhancing your skills for that career you want.  If you think too much about it, nothing will happen. Make the call!

I began collecting business cards in networking events many years ago.  I still have them and call many of the people I met.  I keep my contact list very broad and network at as much as I can.  Even when there is no chance to do it in person I write e-mails to just send a “hello how are you doing”.  Listen folks, there is no excuse for not trying hard.  We get into a slump and it’s much safer to stay there. We’ve all done it.  But the truth is, you need to recognize that you can do it.  If you are having trouble, ask for help, but understand that when someone begins helping you; it’s not nagging or pushing.  They are helping you.

Many times I’ve been in the position where a person asked me for help finding a job.  Then when I begin suggesting things like;  clean up your resume, make this call, get up early, the person then begins to shut the door.  It’s almost like a “please don’t bother me so much” Then I ask…why the hell did you solicit my help then?

We all need to better ourselves, we all need help.  The problem is we don’t like it when someone is real with us, because the truth hurts.   Stop It!!  Look hard in the mirror and see who is looking back.  Don’t blame others for your mistakes and don’t blame the economy for your lack of desire.  Go out there and go get’em, Why?  Because you can!

So, with all that said here are some ways to go out there and begin meeting people.  It’s not as hard as you think.  Just decide…and Do it!!

PINK SLIP PARTY – Hosted by JobsDirectUSA
Join hundreds of local professionals come together with a variety of industry recruiters, hiring managers and directors. This is one party that you do not want to miss.

FIRST  FIRDAYS NETWORKING PARTY
Meet hundreds of South Florida professionals, Ages 20′s-40′s

EVENTFUL
Find many business events in the area.

MEETUP

How many times have you done that? Do you have such a dream? Are you working on a project and just can’t seem to get started? What is it that separates those that do it from those who say they will but never do? Like someone who wants to begin to exercise, the first day is very hard, the first week even harder. But once you begin your routine it becomes easier and becomes a part of your daily practice. It’s all about picking that first day then taking baby steps. If you do a little every day, it eventually adds up inspiring your confidence so that you continue. No bird can fly until his wings begin to apprehensively but undoubtedly move. In the beginning, the bird will fall repeatedly until his determination and need teach him that he must fly. The bird begins to soar through the sky seeing the  endless possibilities of travel. Like the bird, we must also begin to move our  wings.

We must become one with our dream and work each day towards reaching it, even if it’s just a little each day. How many of us close our eyes and visualize a life of fulfillment and achievement. We see ourselves in a different place, a different business position and even a different financial situation. Then for some reason we live it by simply dreaming it.  We do little to get out of the comfort zone. The zone that prevents us from working hard and even missing out on some fun.  Suddenly we look in the mirror realizing that the years have gone by; regretting and desperately seeking justifications for why we didn’t do the things we really needed to do and why we didn’t work harder. We search for reasons because to admit that we just didn’t work as hard as we needed to would be to admit we were just plain indolent.

Still, sometimes even when we do work hard, things just don’t happen the way they should or they way we expect them to. Some may say luck was just not on our side. Leaving us to question is it all about luck; and if it is, how much of it do we really need?

When working for your dream, there will always be that someone who will say no, and many who will just not believe in what you are doing (everybody’s a critic!). I agree that in life, it sometimes helps to be in the right place at the right time. But for the most part, it really is all about hard work and determination.  Never give up on what you truly believe in, and never stop telling the world about it because you still haven’t made it. Someone recently told me, “If one is out of site…one is out of mind” and it stuck. If I don’t show my work, show my face, shake hands and network, then I will be forgotten. I need for everyone to know about me and about what I do. So go out there and face everyone. Shake hands, pass out your card, make the calls and find the leads. If you do nothing, it will lead to just that. If you do a lot, it will lead to just that.

So I began to think… What do we really need to fulfill ourselves enough in order to be happy. Many of us think we know what we want. We “want” to look good! We want to kill the wrinkles and sagging skin, we want thick lashes, we want pretty hair, and sexy legs, and so on, and so on. This morning I stood in front of my mirror looking at my face and lifting my cheeks and temples upward as I turned from side to side to see the difference in my face if I had it lifted. I then looked at my arms and began poking all the little dimples from the extra few pounds I have. Then I realized that what I experiencing was also a result of my recent cervical spine surgery. I was in bed for over a month and gained a few pounds. I feel fat, undesirable, and now scared that I will never be able to work out hard. Well, after I heard Nancy’s story, I realized that if she lost 500 what keep me from losing the 25 I have to. Dammit, woman, I thought, how the hell do you have the nerve to complain? So, I pulled up my blog and decided to write about it.

I am 49 years old. I am something today that I have not been in years. I am pain free. In my blogs I write about my fibromyalgia and my life in pain. Well, a month ago I had cervical spine surgery because I was beginning to lose mobility in my upper body and the pain was horrific. After my surgery I woke up and noticed that I could lift my arms. I then began recovering and now even wonder if I ever even had FM. I am so thrilled that every time I am asked “hi, how are you?” I no longer answer “good” to be polite, I now answer “I am WONDERFUL” and how about you?

So, now I come to the part of why I’m writing. I want to tell you all this. If you have no pain, and have your health… ‘THERE IS NO EXCUSE”. There is so much to do, and so much to see. Life is just there hanging for you to grab it by the tail. You have so much power if you are alive. If you breath, you are capable. The question is, how much are you willing to do to in order to do? Don’t look back some day and say..I wish I would have. Only you can make the change. Only you can control the power. Join me on my travel to 50. Let’s see how I do? No more pain inside or out.

We look at people who  have made their dream come true, or met their goal and we often resent  the fact they made it justifying their success with a comment like “some people just have luck on their side.”

On my 49^th birthday which happened to be this past 31 st of Dec, I promised myself that I would begin a new way of living and would work towards looking and feeling better at 50.  I told all my friends and family that even though I was living with pain due to my fibromyalgia, I was going to find a way to feel better.  I would work hard this year and celebrate my 50^th feeling and looking better than ever.  Then something happened.  Two weeks ago I had to have urgent cervical spine surgery.  I had been living in pain for so many years never imagining it could be something more than what the doctors had told me.

Now I have to stay at home in bed recovering from the surgery.  It was quite critical and if I could have easily lost all mobility in my upper body.   Then I found out I would have to be on medical leave for a month or even more.  I thought to myself… Hmmmm?  I could use this time for my writing.  Nope, the doctor said, cannot be on the computer for more than 20 minutes.  Well… there goes my plan to try and write a few chapters of the book I’m working on.

I have gained 10 lbs over the 15 I already needed to lose and am getting down.  My thoughts race and I question my life, my luck, my destiny.  One month before my surgery you see, my significant other was hospitalized for three weeks.  He was very ill and I spend all that time with him.  It took a lot out of me and I couldn’t help but wonder.  Why us?

So that brings me to today.  I sit here on my bed with my lap top which I’ll have to put down in about five minutes.  But thought… I can’t give up.  I will not lose it and give my power to negativity.  I will keep my dream alive. I will also keep my energy going and will still be better than ever at 50.  So a month was taken from me… I still have 11 left.   I will also help my man with his dreams.  At this very moment he sings and I write.  We will continue.. we will make it!

Tell me.  What is your dream?  How hard has it been to reach it?  I would love to hear your story.

You think you can’t ?